Waiting To Breathe
by sillyo'stevensshipper
Summary: Derek Shepherd thinks Meredith is compromising his chance at Chief. Meanwhile Mark's nursing a broken heart...and Addison's ready to leave Seattle for good...


_Disclaimer: I don't own Grey's. If I did, George would be married to Izzie or Meredith. And Derek would've never divorced Addison, and Meredith would be happier. Period. _

_Pairing: Derek/?? Mark/Addison, some G/I and M/D too. _

_Summary: Derek thinks that Meredith is compromising his chance at becoming Chief. Takes place after Desire. _

_I want to be chief, he realized, and Meredith compromises that. _

His phone was ringing. He didn't want to answer it, even though he would. He didn't want to leave his bed in the dusk of morning just to get to the hospital to assist Preston, and Richard, and Mark, and Miranda control the infamously rambunctious group of interns' soon-to-be-residents, but he would. A headache threatened to take over him so he opted for rolling onto his left to answer the still ringing phone at three-thirty in the morning.

''Derek Shepherd, '' he voiced sleepily; the impacts of his name's progression wearing his brain down a little. He heard Mark's insecurities spilling through the wire separating them. _''Addison slept with him, '' he was confiding and he knew he was hearing a side of Mark Sloan he hadn't seen since their youth, ''that intern Karev. She made me go through this sixty day bet for nothing, Derek! I swear, '' his voice was hoarser now; he really was nursing a broken heart. Funny had Addison Forbes Montgomery had that effect on people, ''…she's a heartbreaker, your ex wife is. Too bad even a bad boy like me got sucked in, huh?''' _

Mark hung up approximately an hour and thirty minutes later. Derek couldn't console him; he hadn't felt in touch with that side of himself since they were teenagers deciding to become doctors in the first place. He tried his best though, and he thought Mark realized that. He closed his eyes briefly after that; the alarm having woken him up directly at six to get ready for another day of drama at Seattle Grace.

He showered, transformed his not-so-dreamy hair into something more manageable, and arrived at the hospital ten minutes later. Meredith, as usual, approached him; that smile he'd fallen in love with plastered on her face. ''Hi, '' she greeted coyly. ''I'm supposed to scrub in with Dr. Burke on a heart transplant soon, but I wanted to see you first thing. You look distracted last night, was it something I did?''

_Yes, _he thought, but just briefly chuckled and shook his head in reassurance. His arms encircled her tightly, as she curled into him and rested her head on his chest. This was normal, he surmised, peaceful. But if it was so what he thought it was, then how come all he wanted to do was avoid her at all costs? He briefly kissed the crown of her hair, inhaled the all too familiar watermelon shampoo she always wore. He would hold her for five more minutes, pretend this was all he wanted right now, and head for surgery with his head held high. At least, if he could stop holding her; he never seemed to.

''I love you, Derek, '' she murmured against his scrub top. He felt all the emotion she poured into those four words, because he felt them for her. He'd felt them for Addison at one time, but their love had been different. He just hugged her tighter, knowing he should extract himself and go to surgery, but he couldn't.

He breathed against her head, their pagers suddenly alerting them of their work away from each other; he reluctantly pulled back and offered her a weary smile, though, full of adoration he held for her. ''Good luck in surgery, '' was all he said back, and she bounced off, happy and carefree, while he stayed guilty and noncompliant.

Suddenly, he felt a hand settle itself on his shoulder, and looked into Mark's ocean blue gaze. He was smirking, a huge change from last night. ''Morning, my friend! Here, '' he handed him a coffee he'd been cradling, all the while as Derek's eyes sought to wrap his head around his sudden change in emotions, ''brought you a coffee, fresh from the Starbucks. Speaking of Starbucks, there's a waitress there – redhead, guess that's my curse?, with these beautiful green eyes and god, what a smile, I'm telling you… ''

''Oh really, '' Derek countered. He sipped his coffee, knowing Mark had remembered what kind he'd always taken, and raised a brow in intrigue. ''Thought you were nursing a bad case of heartache over Addison and Alex…?''

Mark's smile faded at the mention of Addison, while he just glared at the name of that intern she was hot for. ''Who said I'm not? I'm recuperating! I mean, out of all the guys here, she picks that little ---''

Derek shushed him as soon as Addison approached; flaming red hair whizzing around her shoulders, wide blue eyes full of something he sensed was similar to Mark's predicament as well. So apparently all three of them were nursing bruises of some kind… _interesting_, he thought.

''Addison, '' he greeted chastely kissing her cheek as she approached. Mark remained stone-faced; staring into his coffee like it was a saving-grace. Addison on the other hand just nodded and pursed her lips into that familiar smirk. She wasn't going to let them in, Derek realized, and that's fine because he wouldn't either. ''What's your first case of the morning?''

''C-Section on a battered woman, '' Addison announced sadly. ''She's five months pregnant, and her husband thinks he's this macho thing when he's not and decides to throw her around for three months of it! My god, I'll be lucky to even fix part of whatever trauma they're going through!''

Derek nodded sympathetically while Mark remained stone-faced. He wasn't going to make the first move, even if he was standing there with his heart on his sleeve, while Addison just stared on sorrowfully about an intern who got a little too much tutoring in pre-natal surgery. He looked back and forth between the two, frustrated that they wouldn't just give in and _talk_ to each other. Had it been like this when he and Addison were divorcing?

Deciding the silence was killing him, he made an unusually uncharacteristic move. ''Addison, Mark's devastated about you and Alex Karev. He called me at three-thirty in the morning just to talk about how much he loves you. And Mark, '' he spun to face his friend? acquaintance? Whose face was now written in shock, ''Addison's hurt that Karev wouldn't let her become anything other than a sex buddy. Now would both of you for the love of _God_ please pull your heads out of your asses and talk to each other?!''

When he left them, they were still slack-jawed and staring at the other; unable where or how to begin. Derek chuckled bitterly and wished his problems were that simple. He made it to his first surgery, an amputee whose left leg had been blown off in the war, who was complaining of swelling. He flashed Bailey and Webber a quick smile, praying they couldn't see right through it – even if Miranda could, he knew she wouldn't mention it until they were alone. ''All right, '' he said, pushing all of his emotions to the side as he focused on what he was great at, ''Mr. James, I'm Doctor Shepherd. You've met Doctors Bailey and our Chief of Staff Dr. Webber; please, fill us in on why you're here today…''

To be continued….?


End file.
